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“PASSANT – A Journey to Elsewhere”
by Alistair Paterson (Austin Macauley Publishers $NZ40)
I
have this firm belief that reviewers should always declare an interest when
they set out to review a book. Otherwise we end up with the risible situation
(frequent enough in some New Zealand periodicals) of academics reviewing works
by academic colleagues and friends, but without declaring their interest and
relationship. So let me say up front that I regard Alistair Paterson as a
friend – not a close one, but a friend nevertheless. Though he is some decades
older than me, he has occasionally mentored me in the writing of poetry, and I
four times acted as guest editor on Poetry
New Zealand during the very long period when he was editor-in-chief.
So
now you know that Alistair Paterson, prolific poet, short-story-writer and
anthologist, and holder of the OBE for his services to literature, is somebody
whom I know and like. And that is all that need be said on the matter.
If
you are the sort of person who craves short and pithy judgments, I will add
that I very much enjoyed reading Passant:
A Journey to Elsewhere, Paterson’s memoir of his childhood and adolescence.
I might have some misgivings about the way it concludes, and I do admit that it
sometimes repeats points it has already made, but in its expansiveness (it runs
to 300 substantial pages) it is lively, engaging and enlightening about the
way things were in New Zealand eighty-odd years ago.
If
you read it very, very selectively, you could see it as an idyll of a past New
Zealand and lament for the loss of its simplicities and certainties. Alistair
Paterson was born in 1929 in Nelson, together with his (fraternal, not
identical) twin brother Charlie. At no point does Paterson suggest that the
Nelson of his youth was a perfect society. He notes the snobbery and
pretensions of the small city’s wealthier citizens and their tendency towards a
peculiar sort of South British jingoism, epitomised in Empire Day. He notes how
grown-ups sometimes clung possessively to local heroes, as when he heard them
talking about an illustrious person they called “Ernie” (Ernest Rutherford). He
is certainly not complimentary about his secondary schooling. Even so, many of
the things he did as a child and young teenager suggest the carefree possibilities
of an earlier era. Going to the movies. Enjoying Guy Fawkes night. Swimming or
sailing in the Maitai River. Listening to early radio in an age when a mass
audience enjoyed (of all things) wrestling commentaries involving Lofty
Blomfield. The boy is only ten when the Second World War begins, and he tries
(in an apolitical way) to understand what it’s all about.
From
the adolescent years there are some good self-contained anecdotes, such as the
twin brothers labouring to build what turned out to be a useless canoe. Or
participating in yacht races. Or young Alistair, with a damaged wrist,
painfully rowing two visiting GIs to the local wharf. Or how he and a
schoolmate accidentally started a scrub-fire (easily put out by the fire-brigade,
thankfully) when they were told to burn off some gorse. There are also some
retrospective ironies. Given that the adult Alistair Paterson was for twenty
years a naval officer, it is ironical that he got seasick the first time he
went on a deep-sea vessel (crossing Cook Strait to Wellington to attend the
1940 centenniel exhibition).
Paterson
early strikes a note of loss when he remarks: “On occasional visits to Nelson I’ve driven past what’s left of the
flats I knew so well and looked out towards the sea and the boulder bank,
hoping to see children playing there. Their absence means that children have
lost something of that earlier intimacy with the natural world which my brother
and I experienced – and which the wider community might have lost as well.”
(p.25)
Another
very selective reading could see Passant:
A Journey to Elsewhere as chronicling the genesis of the author as creative
writer, with its remarks on the boy’s reading habits and first efforts at
writing. The books he read as a child suggest robust tastes. He notes how much,
as a youngster, he enjoyed Richmal Crompton’s anarchistic, anti-authority
schoolboy “William” books; and how he was intrigued by the ingenuity of the
novels of Alexandre Dumas. In retrospect, he appreciates the value of reciting
poetry in his primary school class, under the instruction of an
elocution-trained teacher. At the time, however, his first real introduction to
poetry gave him false expectations about how poetry is written: “I found myself trying to compose verses line
by line in my head, and, failing miserably, came to believe poetry was written
by people of special ability and great genius in far countries.” (p.189)
He
is less complimentary about his adolescent years at Nelson College, seeing the
teachers as being concerned more with the college’s prestige than with sympathetic
teaching. The cane was applied often and there was a dismissive attitude
towards pupils (like Paterson) who were not leading athletes or sportsmen. One
English teacher told him to give up writing poetry because it was “unhealthy”.
Nevertheless, Nelson College did give him the opportunity to be a violinist in
the school orchestra; and it did give him the company of other students who
were interested in modern poetry, like the one who introduced him to the work
of T.S.Eliot.
But
attempts to see this memoir as either nostalgic idyll or Kunstlerroman are thwarted by two things, which take up a great
part of Passant: A Journey to Elsewhere.
First, there is the matter of young Alistair Paterson’s long illness and
hospitalisation; then there is the matter of what would now be called the
dysfunctional family to which he belonged. To be clear, neither young Alistair nor
his brothers were in any way physically mistreated. Their parents were on the
whole very considerate people. But the circumstances of the family created severe
stresses for the growing boys. At first, Paterson suggests some reluctance to
narrate these things. Having noted how a journalist once scorned another
person’s childhood memoirs as self-indulgence, Paterson says: “As a result, I wonder why I’m writing about
my childhood and whether an account of a dysfunctional family in one’s early
years is of any value or worth the trouble.” (p.65)
Briefly
put, Paterson’s parents separated in unusual circumstances. After they were
first married, they lived with Alistair’s paternal grandparents, the Patersons.
But shortly after Alistair and Charlie were born, the older Patersons proved so
over-controlling and unsympathetic to the twins’ mother that she moved back to
live with her own parents, the Whites. Alistair and Charlie were thus brought
up by their mother in their maternal grandparents’ house on Weka Street. But they
made weekly visits to their father at his parents’ house on Nile Street East.
And, despite their parents’ separation, their father made regular visits to
their mother so that, to their surprise, young Alistair and Charlie were presented with a new baby brother some years
after their parents had ceased to live under the same roof. This unusual arrangement
built up in young Alistair a sense of shame that his family was not “normal”,
like the two-parent families of other boys he knew. He got on well with his placid, pipe-smoking
maternal grandfather, who sometimes did eccentric things, like stealing a
neighbour’s dinghy and taking young Alistair for a row on the twilit estuary.
But this did not offset the stress of the family situation, exacerbated by
overhearing, and not understanding, angry adult conversations about somebody
called Betty Sharp, or being aware of the way older generations of the Paterson
family spun endless rumours about the financial dealings of a great-grandfather
and who might possibly owe great wealth to whom.
One
of Alistair’s Paterson aunts, Aunt Elspeth, was anxious about any member of the
family marrying and having children. She closely interrogated young Alistair
when he started getting serious about girls. The awful truth that Alistair
Paterson only understood as an adult was that his great-grandfather Paterson had
gone insane with “paralysis of the brain” and was for much of his life locked
up in what was then forthrightly called a madhouse. Many of the stresses,
tensions and anxieties which older generations passed on to Alistair and his
brothers sprang from this fact. (By the way, in this particular matter I am
revealing nothing that the back-cover blurb of the book does not reveal.)
All
this was one cause of the boy’s chronic unhappiness. But perhaps worse was the
matter of his long periods of illness, beginning when he was about eight. At
first he suffered from abdominal pains and severe fatigue and underwent an
operation on his kidneys. He was diagnosed as having an abcess on his kidneys
and possible septicaemia (“blood poisoning”). Then came the complication of
osteomyelitis. In all, Alistair underwent four operations and was kept in the children’s
ward for nearly two years (22 months). In this long incarceration, the boy
longed to be outdoors again, and was briefly driven to small acts of rebellion
from the hospital’s severe regime, such as refusing to eat the sago pudding
that he was regularly offered. After eventually leaving hospital, there were
the difficulties of having to get used to walking again, reconnecting with
school again, having a broken wrist and having to learn to write again.
The
account of his time as a patient overlaps with with memories of his reading
habits. Physical trauma meant he temporarily lost the ability to read and had
to re-train himself in the deciphering of words. As all bright children do, he
compared the books he liked to the conditions of his own life. Of the influence
of The Count of Monte Cristo, he
says: “I didn’t realise it at the time,
but I probably found this part of the book [where the hero at last uncovers
fabulous wealth] exciting and wonderful
because it was the climax of Edmond Dantes’ successful escape from imprisonment
and the beginning of his reinstatement as a person able to live life on his own
terms. It was a metaphor, a fictitious representation of treasure and escape
parallelling what children in hospital wish for and can do little to achieve.”
(pp.118-119) And of The Three Musketeers
he says: “It wasn’t the flamboyance and
the devil-may-care attitude of the characters, but at a deeper and subconscious
level, the contrast between their freedom of action and my immobility that
appealed.” (p.125)
Passant: A Journey to Elsewhere is an affectionate account of a past time, a book on
the author’s youthful literary consciousness, and a memoir of a broken family
and long illness. Irrational as it may seem, one dominant note is the sense of guilt
the boy came to feel. As children so often do, he took upon himself the burden
of responsibility for things over which he had no control. In reading this
book, I find such words as “shame” and “embarrassment” recurring frequently. To
give a few examples -
When,
as infants, Alistair’s twin brother walks before he can, and gets applause for
it, Alistair is left “sitting on the hall
floor lost and alone with feelings of shame and failure and a sudden awareness
that success brought rewards” (p.9)
Of
the psychological burden of the dysfunctional family we are told: “I knew my brother Charlie and I were responsible
for the seemingly unbridgeable schism between the two families we belonged to,
that somehow our being born had disrupted their lives and caused irremediable
damage.” (p.135)
When
the boy is in the hospital after two operations, the adult memoirist remarks “…
each of us felt an element of shame
at being in the hospital and ‘being a nuisance’, ‘making things difficult’ for
the people who looked after us and parents who had to leave whatever it was
they might have been doing in order to come and visit us. Somehow it was our
fault that we were there and in my case particularly so on account of all
the shame Charlie and I had brought to the two branches of the family.”
(pp.84-85)
When
he returns to school after long hospitalisation, he notes: “embarrassment at not being part of a
real family was always present as was the fear that some of the children
we went to school with or who lived near Weka Street and knew about us would
notice we were there and talk about us.” (p.168)
He
learns to play the violin and for once his stern teacher compliments him on his
playing. But instead of feeling pleased, the boy feels he has violated the code
of “fitting in”: “I felt embarrassed.
The sound I’d produced was what I thought of as a kind of pretentiousness and
exhibitionism that could be put down to saying, ‘Look at me, listen to me,
listen to what I’m doing’. Charlie would have seen it that way and said
something about it if he’d heard what I was doing which fortunately he didn’t….
Keeping quiet and avoiding being noticed was our usual way of behaving…”
(p.178)
Trying
to fit once more into school, he notes: “Unfortunately
I wasn’t able to use my damaged arm to write with and was forced to do what I
could with my left. The result was an untidy scrawl that elicited sneers and
derision from some of the boys who saw what a mess I was making of it. I felt ashamed
and embarrassed in the same way I did at people who knew I’d been ill and
hadn’t yet fully recovered, and I was doubly ashamed and embarrassed
because even when I got back to using my right arm, my handwriting was still
clumsy and awkward and has remained that way ever since.” (p.206)
I
understand that this book’s subtitle, “A Journey to Elsewhere”, has a double
meaning. Simply by growing up, the boy and adolescent is journeying to
adulthood. But equally, we as readers are journeying to the other country that
was a past New Zealand. In those terms, this memoir works very well and has the
ring of authenticity.
Footnote: As for my misgivings about how it concludes – which I
mentioned at the head of this review – I am referring to the way Alistair
Paterson ends with much documentation, in the form of letters, of his
great-grandfather’s mental condition. While this is in some ways the “key” to
the anxieties that ran through his family, it still seems a clumsy way to close
what is otherwise an engaging and sincere book.