Something Thoughful

 Nicholas Reid reflects in essay form on general matters and ideas related to literature, history, popular culture and the arts, or just life in general. You are free to agree or disagree with him.  

                                                THE LIMITS OF EMPATHY                               

I hate to say this, but it is clear that the word “empathy” has become a buzz-word and often means next to nothing.

Officially empathy means [or is supposed to mean] looking after other people, seeing other people’s point of view, sharing their feelings and perspective, understanding problems other people have, and helping them when they are in need. That is real empathy. Apparently some people seem to think this term is a recent thing, a break-through of understanding and psychology. But the same ideas have been around for centuries. “O wad some Power the giftie gie’ us / to see oursels as thers see us” as Robby Burns wrote. An old Christian prayer says “There but for the grace of God go I”, meaning that we should be aware of other people’s misfortunes and help them out. Others have turned it to “There but for fortune go I”  And of course we are often asked to “Walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes”.

But having noted this, the fact is that the term empathy now is often misused. The assumption is that the whole world will be a wonderful place if we only just agree on everything and be nice – real empathy, right? But that is not how the world works and that is not how human beings behave. Totalitarian states claim to be looking after everybody – so long as nobody disobeys… or else. Smooth politicians say they know what is good for everyone, but of course their opposition says otherwise. People, for all manner of reasons, disagree. Real democracy means allowing for dispute. Empathy might understand how other people are feeling… but their feelings may be nonsense.

Extreme empathy may lead to misjustice. A murderer and rapist may have committed many crimes. His life story may be one of poverty, a bad up-bringing, lack of education and no real understanding of the law. If you have any empathy you will understand why and how this criminal has become what he is. In fact you might begin to side with him [and this has happened in a number of well-known cases]. And here we go down the slope of sentimentality. Your empathy should also extend to the victims of crime. Indeed empathy over used can lead people to lose all proportion of what is not good for you. On top of this, there is the fact that many people are unreliable. XYZ may well be charming, apparently honest, and therefor trustworthy. You believe you have found somebody who is truly empathetic. But XYZ might in fact be taking advantage of you naivete. Good manners, smooth speaking and being agreeable do not necessarily make honesty. It is easy to pretend to be empathetic.

I am NOT therefore saying that we should be suspicious of everybody and always  question their motives. The world would be a very grim place if we did. There has to be faith in others or there would be no society at all. But as the word  “empathy” is now over-used, it has come to mean a vague lovey-ness, wanting to assume there is no real evil in the world.

I suggest that we set the word aside for a while, and replace it with the more robust word “compassion” … when it is appropriate.